I think I've become apathetic or indifferent to finding love?

It seems to me that you are being more rational than emotional at this point, and honestly, if we didn't love the man we are with, and the children that we worry about, then the whole marriage thing would really suck. Maybe you just need this time to allow your emotions to settle because it sounds like you have been through a lot and a relationship is the last thing that you need at this point. Just let yourself feel as bitter as you want, but don't allow it to last too long. If it lasts too long it could lead to depression and that would not be pleasant and it would damage your personality.